50% of all marriages end in divorce. This statistic alone can scare the best of us. Some would argue that this stat is incorrect, and in fact, they may say the rate of divorce is decreasing. We won’t spend time debating, but we do know that over that past 30 years this statistic has, for the most part, held true. Take a moment and ask yourself the question: is your marriage the next statistic? Tough one, huh? What are your thoughts at this very moment about your spouse and the state of your union? What are the flies on your wall gossiping about? More importantly, what does God think about it?
I don’t at all proclaim to be a marriage expert, but I am an expert in analyzing the positive and negative impact my actions have on my marriage. And if I’m honest with myself, I realize there are more opportunities to be an asset than a liability. My hope is that you feel the same way.
One of the main areas where you can truly add value to your marriage is communication. Think about it. How many times do you sincerely compliment your spouse during the week or even the month? This easy, but very thoughtful and powerful way to communicate your love could be exactly what your marriage needs. And if you need help on words to say, then check out Song of Solomon 1:1-17. There are nearly 15 compliments made by the couple in this passage of scripture alone. What are some other ideas you have to prevent marriages from becoming the next statistic?
Beyonce said she is “dangerously in love” with her man! We know it, or at least from the distance of our flat screen, we see it. Does it seem to you that she is dangerously in love with Jay? Yes I realize the song “Dangerously in Love” was written over ten years ago but it seem so befitting based on the perceptions of their marriage.
Now shift gears and get into the driver’s seat of your marriage – ask yourself the question, am I dangerously in love with my spouse? This question obviously can be answered many ways, so lets provide a fair standard that we can all use as a measurement – the lyrics.
Baby I love you, you are my life
The happiest moments weren’t complete if you weren’t by my side
You’re my relation and connection to the sun
With you next to me there’s no darkness I can’t overcome
You are the raindrops I am the seed,
With you and God, who’s the sunlight I’ll bloom and grow so beautifully Baby I’m so proud, proud to be your girl
You make the confusion go all away from this cold and messed up world
Cause I am in love with you, you set me free
I can’t do this thing called life without you here with me
‘Cause I’m dangerously in love with you
I’ll never leave just keep lovin’ me the way I love you loving me
So, are you dangerously in love? You’re probably saying, ‘I used to be dangerously in love at the beginning of our marriage.” If so, what will it take for you to get back to being dangerously in love? I want that for your marriage and I believe it can happen. Consider the verses below and share your thoughts on what couples can do to be dangerously in love.
Revelation 2:4-5 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.
Join us this Sunday for part 1 of this exciting series!
As we come to end of the “love month” ask yourself this question; the question Tyler Perry asked, “Why Did I Get Married?” According to love-sessions.com, here are the reasons why many men and women get married:
- The man’s wish to continue the motherly love received in childhood
- Desire to have a lifetime companion
- The love the man and woman has for each other
- The woman having become pregnant
- To have a woman/man who has a similar career for easier adaptability
- Wish to escape from parents
It’s interesting the to read reasons we see above and find out how much they differ from God’s standard. In 1 Corinthians 7:4 the Apostle Paul says this to the Church at Corinth:
Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.
If you made the decision to marry for any reason other than to satisfy and serve your spouse then please rethink that decision. The success of your marriage is determined by how you view the needs of your spouse and meet those needs. As Rick Warren says in his book The Purpose Driven Life, “it’s not about you!”
Check out the next three commandments to keep the flames burning and focus on satisfying your spouse:
Commandment 6: Thou shalt write love letters – Song of Solomon 1:10-15
- This passage reveals a spiritual spouse who identifies specific qualities he appreciates about his beloved, then expresses his appreciation in a love letter. He didn’t text it, tweet it, or Facebook it, he wrote it down!
- Here are four critical elements that must be present in your love letter
i. Identify – Declare what it is you appreciate. Name it.
ii. Specify – Be as specific as you can. Don’t make generalizations about the things you love about your spouse.
iii. Quantify – Express how they have made a measurable difference in your life.
iv. Magnify – Encourage your spouse liberally in public, before their peers.
Commandment 7: Thou shalt be spontaneous. And here’s why:
- Your spouse is counting on you to do something different, something unplanned, unstructured, and spur-of the-moment.
- Spontaneity brings surprise, fun, creativity, and freshness to a marriage.
- Spontaneous moments and times don’t have to be huge events… small ones have the same effect on your marriage. Have fun together!
Commandment 8: Thou shalt seek to satisfy your spouse. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5
- The Bible says that marriage partners should offer their bodies to each other in marriage and should not deny each other except for a short season for fasting.
- To rekindle the flame in your marriage you must seek to satisfy your spouse in bed and out.
All in all, remember that it’s not about you! Base your marriage on serving your spouse in love and I guarantee the flame will continue to burn high!
Hey men, listen! Don’t stand in line today for that dull, ordinary Hallmark card that you’ve waited till the last minute to buy. It’s not worth the $2.89 you’ll spend. Plus, your wife will keep it on the shelf to please your ego and will soon store it with all the other thoughtless cards you’ve given her in the past. Instead, I have the perfect inscription for the card that will last a lifetime. You probably never thought you could find the perfect description of your wife. The card that says it all! Perfect words, spoken so eloquently, never fading, never dull, simply perfect!
Open your Bible. Yes, I said your Bible. Just bear with me. As a matter of fact, click here and read Song of Solomon 4:1-7. Ok, now I hope you believe me. These words by Solomon have to be the best love letter, poem, and Valentine card ever written.
So if you can’t make you wife a card with these words, then just open the bible and read it to her after that special candlelit dinner you prepared for her. And ladies, if you’re reading this, and not sure if your man will, email it to him – here’s the link: http://wp.me/p1Ne14-2O
And finally, continue to work on the “Rekindling the Flame in Your Marriage” by taking a look at the next three commandments:
3. Thou shalt be attractive
Work to be attractive physically, mentally, and spiritually.
4. Thou shalt compliment each other
Listen to the compliments in Song of Solomon 1:15-16 and share them with your spouse.
5. Thou shalt set aside a date night
With the busy schedules families face every day, finding a free moment to connect with your spouse can end up feeling like one more task on your already full plate. But if you put off spending time together until a “better time” comes along, it will eventually lead to emotional distance between you and your spouse. Make spending quality time with your spouse a priority – tonight!
So how are you showing your love for your spouse today, and hopefully every day? Share with us in the comments below!
How is your marriage? Be honest! Is the flame burning as high as it was the first week of holy matrimony? Or has it been extinguished by the mundane, unexciting thoughts of being with one person for the rest of your life? How was the last date you and your spouse went on? What about pillow talk, the back rubs, and candlelit dinners? Are they still happening? Do you find yourself in a constant disagreement about everything in the marriage? ‘He doesn’t pick up after himself;’ ‘she doesn’t give me the attention she knows I need;’ ‘he works all the time;’ ‘she never cooks a dinner like my mom;’ these little arguments can quickly cause the flame to die down, or worse, burn out.
The thought of your marriage being as cold as the ice cubes in your freezer is life-threatening and you have to do something now! Your actions during this critical stage in your life will be the oxygen your marriage needs to rekindle the flame or the extinguisher that leads to a road of destruction and divorce. Revelation 2:4-5 says this:
Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.
Thank you God for the hope of restoring our marriages to what they used to be by bringing us back to that first love! There is something about those first moments in our lives – that first kiss, that first date, the first night after the wedding. There is nothing like it and we must repent and get back to showing our spouses the love we had at first.
As you pray about the actions needed to rekindle the flame in your marriage, start with the first two of what I call the Ten Commandments of Rekindling the Flame in your Marriage.
1. Thou shalt put aside anger and forgive
a. The first step in striking up the flame, in making your marriage hot again, is to stop carrying the grudge and forgive.
2. Thou shalt always pray
a. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to pray without ceasing
b. Grab your spouse by the hand and let them hear you praying for them and your marriage
Join us this Sunday for the continuation of this dynamic series: The Ten Commandments of Rekindling the Flame in Your Marriage.